How Many Potential Friends Do You Need?
Kind of a moment-of-incentive last night, which I think can give meaning to our world of developing friendships. I attended our monthly San Francisco Coaches Association meeting where our speaker this month, Michael Sharest, from Business Growth Solutions talked about how solo-preneuers can make $250,000 per year. The irony, I think, is that most life coaches don't go into that industry in order to be rich, they go into it as a life calling to help participate in life transformation and well-being for others. And yet, they find themselves struggling to pay bills in order to do what they feel compelled to be doing. We often think that if we're good-- people will come to us.
You know the feeling: If I have a good product, people will flock to it. Or, if I'm a fun person, people will want to date me. Or, if I say exercise is important to me, I'm sure I'll do it. Or, if I articulate my beliefs clearly, people will agree with me. Or, in our case, if I sign up to make friends, that it will just happen.
Sharest, last night, got into the numbers of business. It's seeing the formula in front of you that says "If this really matters to you, here is how to make it happen." With enough experience in small service businesses-- he knows the returns. So if an entrepreneur needs X amount of money, then that means X number of clients, which means that he needs to speak twice a month to an audience of 30 to get 6 people to sign up for a free consultation, where maybe 4-5 of them will actually follow-through with the appointment, and then 2-3 new clients will be signed up. With the math in front of you, you can prepare your expectations to work hard and smart for what matters to you. If public speaking isn't your thing, then know your numbers on newsletters, networking, advertising, referrals, etc.
The Numbers of Friendship In our case, what are the numbers for developing friendships? How many people do you have to meet before you feel chemistry with one of them? And how many of those people do you have to meet and feel chemistry with where it's mutual, reciprocated and begins to get scheduled into your life? And out of those people, how many of them will turn into real, long-lasting, shared friendships?
I don't know the numbers for you yet, but it might be worth figuring out? It's like a funnel, taking a crowd and narrowing it down to the few people you need on the other end. Do you have to meet 10 women to feel chemistry/connection with 4 of them so that maybe 3 of them actually get scheduled for more time with you before you realize that really only 2 of them will be women who prove to be the right friends for you?
How does this serve you? So if that above example were true, then you would know that you need to meet at least ten women before you could expect to make two new friends. We know that if we meet three people at a cafe one night, chances are that not all three will be our new best friends, maybe not any of them this time. But if you do three groups then chances are that you will find your one or two?
Doesn't it remind us that developing friendship is no less worthy of our time, intentionality and greatest effort than building a business? It somehow reminds me that not everyone I meet is destined to be my best friend and that I may need to meet several groups of women before I find those two that will be worthy of that title. It reminds me that this isn't an instant process. It reminds me that I can't give up after just 1-2 attempts. It reminds me that it has less to do with me if I don't meet the right four girls the first time, and more to do with the math. I simply need to remind myself that the more I meet the right people, the more I will "weed" out the ones that aren't for me. I can commit to trying different strategies, meeting different women and knowing that the math works in my favor-- I will end up with the x number of friends I want, if I'm willing to work the process.
Math isn't my favorite subject. And friendships can't be boiled down to a formula. But something tells me that the principles still have a lot to remind us. :) Best to you as you act on what you have said is important to you-- the expanding of your circle of friends.